Annoyance Therapy

Like many others who fancy themselves as Writers, I usually carry around a small pocket sized notepad for recording great thoughts, pithy observations, and random notes. It is a great relief for aging memory banks to simply jot down a recommended book title, or a website URL. ( The chief drawback with this device is that I often forget to read the notes that were so carefully recorded. I have dozens of ragged notebooks full of unread scribblings)

One section of the notebook is reserved for my list of annoyances. As it turns out, I find that I am annoyed by nearly everything - weather, barking dogs,horns honking, wet mail, rap music, traffic, insects, soggy pizza, anyone with a smartphone, people in audiences, dreadlocks, commercials... -- I think you get the idea, the list is endless;

But, my genius is this: rather than letting annoying people and things drive me into grumpy irrelevance, I try to use annoyance as a creative force. I recognize that annoyance is merely a mild form of anger. Thus, when something annoys me I do not let it control me. I do not shout and wave my arms. Instead, I write a poem, draft a blog entry, or regale the person behind me in the line at Starbucks with my latest cynical observation (Three bucks for a cup of coffee! Really?) By sharing these annoyances with others, I joyfully let them go. They do not own me. I am free of their evil spell.

My audience often rewards me with reinforcing affirmations of legitimacy. Sure, there are those few humorless, self important, smiley-faced, lemonade-making optimists who regard my complaints as the feeble protestations of an aged goat. (Get over it, Dude. Stuff happens.) I just add those people to my 'Annoying persons' list, where they are subjected to universal mockery and derision.

Some word usages that I think are annoying (Copied from Notepad notes):

Shocking - this word has become so over-used, especially in internet ads, as to render it meaningless. Apparently, the attention of a skimming reader is drawn to any sentence that has the word "shocking" in it.

The most absurd headline: "Shocking facts about weight loss!" takes you to the URL of a company that sells pills that are guaranteed to help you shed hundreds of milligrams.

Grab - "Let me grab you something to drink," says my waitress. Grab? What happened to "Can I bring you something?" Even Budweiser commercials have adopted the slogan "Grab some Buds." Maybe it's just me but grab has a slightly larcenous connotation.

Momentarily - "The doctor will be with you momentarily." Gee, you mean he will step into the room for a split-second and then disappear? I know this one has been annoying pure English speakers for decades, but I still hear it often.

Ok, that's enough for today. There is risk of self-analysis morphing into mere self-absorption. Especially on a sweltering day when you have no lunch plans.