Starting the Fight Against Bullying

After Gabe Snyder’s first week of seventh grade, he knew it would be a tough year.

Gabe, alongside his mother Dana, told his story to a crowd of nearly 100 representatives from educational organizations, parent-teacher councils and youth commissions in Wellesley, Newton and Needham Thursday night at “Connecting Matters,” an interfaith, multi-institutional event at sponsored by Growing Up Healthy, an organization dedicated to solving the problems related to bullying.

It was September of 2008, and Gabe had been the victim of bullying for the entire prior school year. A soft-spoken student, Gabe kept his pain inside, until one day he blew up. He screamed at his mother after after she asked him an innocuous question about homework.

“I don’t know what it was, but for some reason I couldn’t hold it in any longer,” he said. “I began telling her the story of what had been going on for the past year.”

Gabe said talking with his parents eased the burden a bit, but he knew he’d have to seek help at school.

Though, this would prove to be a mistake, he said.

“I went to my guidance counselor, who didn’t know my name,” he said. “She told me that I needed to speak with the assistant principal...I told her what was going on…She assured me she would follow up with the instigators and I would see things change. There was no change. I never spoke to any of those adults again.”

Gabe eventually transferred to a smaller school, where he was no longer bullied. His family joined Temple Beth Elohim, where Gabe joined the Teen Jewish Actors Workshop and Beth Elohim Local Youth group (BELY). He was accepted immediately, his mother said.

Gabe did not mention either school by name to protect the educators at both, but he spoke as a child there years removed from the torment, and at peace with his experiences.

“I feel connected at school and at TBE,” he said. “I feel like I make a difference at each community.”

Following Gabe and Dana Snyder's heartfelt talk, several representatives stood up and offered insights on how their institutions are combatting the bullying epidemic.

Merle Berman, an eighth grade administrator at Pollard Middle School in Needham, said at her school, educators tried to see things from the point of view of the students.

“We looked at a student’s schedule and noticed the trajectory from period one through seven periods, [then they’d be] rushing home to do their homework,” she said.

Berman said the faculty at Pollard set up 15-minute homeroom sessions at the beginning of each day, where students can meet with advisors, ask questions, and get any support they might need for the coming school day.

Susan Linn, director of The Newton Partnership, an umbrella organization for several agencies that are devoted to the mental health of children in Newton, said collaboration and sharing ideas is key to kids’ well being.

“A lot of the work we do is focused, in fact, on connectedness,” Linn said. “When [we joined] Growing Up Healthy, we were so excited to see the movement focusing on connections between kids and adults, and kids and kids, and kids and teachers…spreading beyond Newton.”

Pediatrician Ed Keenan of Newton-Wellesley Hospital offered some general advice, usable for everyone in attendance.

“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care,” he said.